This week’s note is a little longer than usual (I try to keep it under 400 words.) I hope you agree that today’s is worth the extra 234 words.  First, I could really use your help. I am doing research, what is the one area in your business that you would most like to have an easy to use process or practice that would make your business easier? Please drop me a note! Thanks

Hi Sharon,

 

I’d like to add that we as listeners have also a huge power over words. I find this often underestimated and undervalued. Usually people tend to think that the meaning is added to the words by the person who utters them.

But is that really true? I believe people do add meaning to the words we utter, but that that meaning isn’t true until it is properly received. A word spoken is a word half meant. Every word we receive is an invitation and a chance to complete its meaning.

It’s not the words that have the power to produce an outcome, it’s always the people who receive them and who decide to act upon what they perceive who have the power to define the outcome of every conversation.

What would happen to the world if we’d approach language like that?
- Truths would be something which only exist in agreement, between two people.
- Convincing and persuading people would be regarded as absurd since it would only mean that we would try to convey something which cannot be conveyed. You cannot completely transfer yourself to another person through words, let alone that this other person can completely receive you through those same words.
- People would be respected as authorities of their own self. Nobody knows you better than you do. Period.
- Statements would be questions.
- Demands would turn into invitations.
- …

Thank you for your thoughts.
Hannes Couvreur
Belgium

We’ve had some great exchanges since he shared the above. He recently added this blog post.

Don’t underestimate the power of listening

As listeners we have a huge power over words.

I often find this underestimated and undervalued.

Usually people tend to think that meaning is simply added to words by the person who utters them.

But is that really true?

I believe people do add meaning to the words we utter, but that that meaning isn’t true until it is properly received.

A word spoken is only a word half meant. Every word we receive is an invitation and a chance to complete its meaning.

Also, it’s not the words that have the power to produce an outcome, it’s always the people who receive them and who deceide to act upon what they perceive who have the power to define the outcome of every conversation.

What would happen to the world if we’d approach language like that?

* Listening would be regarded as an active act, not as something passive
* Listening empowers you, you’re not just a sitting duck wainting to get shot
* Listening is something you are responsible for when engaging in a conversation, since half of the meaning of the words uttered by other people comes from you
* Truths would be something which only exist in agreement, between two people.
* Convincing and persuading people would be regarded as absurd since it would only mean that we would try to convey something which cannot be conveyed. You cannot completely transfer yourself to another person through words, let alone that this other person can completely receive you through those same words.
* People would be respected as authorities of their own self. Nobody knows you better than you do. Period.
* Statements would be questions.
* Demands would turn into invitations.
* …

Thank you Sharon Sayler to inspire me to write this post.

Hannes

Thank you, Hannes, my new friend from far away. The power of a blog amazes me, everything I learn from these conversations enhance my life.

Have a great day in whatever your adventure.

To Success! To Life!

Sharon

We recently set up a new blog for a client. She just emailed me with a good question that I thought others might like to know my thoughts on the question…

Q: Hi Sharon,   How does one encourage and get people to comment on a blog?  Thanks.

A: Good question, I’m sure there are many ways, here are the ways I know, first others need to know you are posting, it takes awhile when blogs are new to get recognized. 

1. Tweet, post on facebook etc a short phrase and a "tinyurl" link to it.
2. Send the post or a summary of the post out via email to your list and invite comments
3. Respond to comments on the blog to keep the conversation going and even send them an email if you think they would add to upcoming posts and discussions.
4. Consider commenting on others blogs with a reference back to a similar post on your site or at least your name and blog url.
5. Ask a question at the end of your post? Ask if they feel the same way, have more suggestions in the area or what’s working for them.
6. Be informative, controversial or transparent. The post I did about my dog’s death was the most commented on in a long time.
7. Have something about it on your email signature line.  I have Check out our blog, you might like the latest entry– http://www.impressionengineers.com/blog.
8. Use the back of your business card to list your blog site and theme of your blog.

In fact, I’m going to post this response on my blog as others on my list might like to know, I will as for their ideas…

So guys, what ways have you found that encourage dialogue?

s

A big part of why I become a trainer is I love to inspire, motivate, and encourage people! Yet as you know, if you have ever had to manage or coach people, sometimes, we need to give feedback and possibly even manage a behavior.

Observing someone’s behavior, coaching them and giving feedback can feel rough, tough or scary (it certainly doesn’t need to be). And contrary to common mythology, giving “constructive criticism” is not constructive. It rarely motivates change, especially long-term change. What motivates people is specific behavioral feedback, and yes, they are craving specific feedback that educates them on how their behaviors effect other people.

Your success as a leader, teacher, manager, team member, coach, etcetera will ultimately be about what you do and how you inspire, motivate, and encourage people. So the question becomes how to do it successfully each and every time?

Michael Grinder’s Group Wizardry June 22-25, 2009
http://tinyurl.com/crs7z5

A moment of back-story, I was really tired after my trip to Doylestown and helping Michael Port launch “The Think Big Manifesto.” I’m not sure why as I like to think I work hard every day but for some reason after this trip I was burned out. Now don’t get me wrong, throughout that week, I learned and experienced so much, it is priceless. And I just love Michael, Julie, and the whole rest of the wonderful crew yet, to be honest, I was burned-out. There was no candle left to burn either end.

So, back to finding what you need when you need it…

There is an auto mechanic down the street from me. He has this funky sign he changes whenever the mood strikes him. A few days back here and well into my pity-party, my eye caught—

"I Create My Reality and I am Creating this Emotion Right Now"

His signs are usually not so deep, yet that sign snapped me back into the reality I wanted, not the one I was creating. The reality for me, at that time, was a place of exhaustion, wanting to be left alone and a feeling of not having any more to give anyone…. Those feelings should have been my first clue that what I needed at that time was to take care of myself, recharge myself.
 
Not like that was the first time I’ve ever been to that state of exhaustion, why do some lessons take so many repeats to sink-in?  Gotta learn to listen to the signals my body is giving me earlier. 

Life Lesson to me to remember: When the physical and emotional bank accounts are drained, it’s beyond the time to re-fill them. Fill-up early and often… Whenever I’m feeling tired, not myself, short tempered, out-of-balance… it’s time for a little R and R—Refill and Recharge. So, what are you going to do for yourself this weekend?

Take some time for yourself so you can share your dreams and passion with the world. The world needs them.

Have a great day whatever your adventure

To Life! To Success!

Sharon

p.s. Today it reads : “I’d rather age than stop.”

Well, it finally happened. As many of you know, I challenge myself to do something I have never done before for my birthday.  My birthday came and went a month ago…. Sunday, my sister, Linda and her husband, Lowell decided for me… they "kidnapped" me and off we went on an adventure.

Lowell is an amateur competitor in sporting clay and skeet events, so what better thing to learn then the fine art of sporting clay, skeet and trap. A couple of times, I even hit two in a row. Woo Hoo!  Yet, for every good shot, a bunch went "splat," sometimes business opportunities are like that too.

My #1 learning was: Make sure you understand what’s coming in and what’s going out. The cross-pollination of life experiences were a buzz in my brain — to be successful at sport shooting (business or anything, really) it takes:

–Practice. Learn to anticipate and recognize changes. Don’t over think it.  Practice creates perseverance.

–Patience. Aim just ahead of the target by the time you pull the trigger the target will be there. Patience creates resilience.

–Passion. For goodness sake, enjoy yourself. It’s all just a game. Passion creates perspective.  

A friend once mentioned to me that it takes at least three years to get good at something if you practice, learning sporting clay reminded me it takes patience and passion too.

I want to give a shout-out to Stephen (a frequent contributor of ideas for this newsletter.) He is one of the guys that runs the place (www.salemclays.com.) Thanks Stephen, Linda and Lowell for the great day, it was a lot of fun.
 
Oh, one last thing, I was in Philadelphia a few days ago for the launch of Michael Port’s Think Big Manifesto. Next week it will debut #9 on The New York Times bestseller list. I’ll share some of the that adventure later.

Have a great day in whatever your adventure.

To Success!To Life!

Sharon